Motherhood is...

April 2011

I entered this essay in a contest on the topic of Motherhood is... in March.  I did not win, but that's okay. I still liked my words and decided to share them this Mother's Day. 

Motherhood is…

By Me!

I’m a high school teacher, so my life is measured in semesters.  A thought came yesterday; there are only 2 more weeks until spring break, then only one quarter til the school year is over.

 I began to cry. 

Not a normal reaction for a school teacher to the end of the year, but this year. 

You see, my sweet daughter, my only daughter, is graduating.  She will be working at a camp all summer then away to college in the fall. 

My heart is breaking. I can hardly imagine life at home without her ray of sunshine.  It is that bitter sweet pain; one where you want to gather her up in your arms and never let her go, all the while knowing, she must go. 

It is the right thing.  It is her time.

I have felt this pain twice before, when each of my sons left on their missions. 

This is motherhood. 

It is to love, in a way you never thought possible.  It is being present in your children’s lives, sharing in their triumphs and tragedies.  It is putting someone else before you.  It is spending that little extra savings to pay for the trip, the gift, the equipment, the dress.  It is teaching them all you can, and then letting them go use it.

I asked my mother how she felt when I left home for college: her only daughter.  She was quiet for a moment.  “Those were long days,” she replied.  I suspect I have several long days in my future too.

I’m not ‘in the trenches’ of motherhood anymore, I’m at the ‘crossroads’.  My kids are gone or going.  I do have one more left; our nest is not empty yet. 

I always thought I would be jumping for joy as they left, but I was wrong.  Instead, I try to remember the moments; all those precious moments in time. 

I’m thankful for photographs.  They capture that moment and all the sights, sounds and smells come flooding back.  I have thousands of snapshots in my mind too, memories.

I am working on this new phase of motherhood.  I miss the things that will never be the same, but at the same time, I peek around the bend at what comes next.

There he is, 2 years old, adorable (even at 2).  My grandson. 

So, motherhood begins anew with Grandmotherhood. 

To all the mothers out there, trying to do your very best, showing up everyday, Happy Mother's Day. It truly is the most important work you will ever do.